Dang!

Dang...

I haven't blogged in five days
How could I possibly go that long?

Nah,
clearly it is possible
But really, everything is "same 'ole same"
As our old timers would put it
I finally have a job (hopefully)
I'm counting on it pretty heavily

My last job
I quit it cause it was too tiring
And not worth the pay
I made $100 a month
Which is okay for someone my age
If you can even guess my age

I worked at a kiosk in the mall
That sold hella good nuts
It was called "The Nutty Bavarian"
My job was to pass out as many samples
As possible (listen to me trying to make it sound like a
hard task lol)
Anyways, it wasn't that easy
I standing on my feet at constant
5-hour intervals
And quite frankly,
I had to resign because the job
Took up my whole Saturday
And whenever I'd be invited somewhere
My answer would be "Sorry, I have to work"
And I just don't like having
To use those words
At least not in that order
Let's try:"Work (is) sorry, (but) I have to"
Because I do
Well I don't have to, have to
But I do prefer to have my own money
It's easier
And heck, it feels good

So anyway my current job
Isn't THAT much better
Just on Sundays instead
I haven't got my first check yet
What I do is
Clean a community center

I'm trying to be exposed
To all sorts of employment
I try not to be one-sided
Even though my future plans
Don't include working for someone

But whatever
I need the money
So....

So....

So

Today I attended
Alvin Ailey Summer Intensive Auditions
Were they easy? Yes.
Did I make it? No.
So if they were easy, why didn't I make it?
Maybe it was because I couldn't stop laughing


I admit
And I'm not very proud of admitting
That I was laughing at people
But across the floor, they just looked so funny
And knowing me, I cannot control my laughter
Once I start, I can't stop
And sometimes I forget what I was
Laughing at in the first place, and I just continue laughing
Like what happened in auditions
I'm sorry I laughed at people though

I shouldn't have done that
And I was very wrong
As a matter of fact, I feel bad
But I LOVE laughing
And I seek EVERY opportunity
I can to do so
Even if it's at someone else's expense
That's just how much I love laughing
And I can't really help it

When I laugh at people,
I'm not even trying to be mean
I mean, if I find something funny,
It's just funny.
It may not even have anything to do
With the person.
I was just laughing at the way
They were moving.

But now, I'm laughing at myself
Because I'm sitting at home
Typing and doing homework
And callbacks are being held right now

So the last laugh is on me.
Ha.

Happy Sunday!

So it's Sunday, right?

Yep, it sure is...
Sunday morning, to be exact
I think I'll maybe have a more
Detailed post tomorrow
Because right now
There's nothing much to say

And the only thing I did yesterday
Was go to my chiropractor
And to the dance supply store
And to the grocery store
And back home....
See? That's not really much

So I'll check in tomorrow


Peace

What's UP?

So what's up?
Not much with me.
Cept my Valentines Day sucked!
But that's no reason to be bitter.
I don't like bitter people.
They're just so...bitter!

When I walked down the hall yesterday,
I couldn't help but have the Valentines Day blues
I saw girls with balloons tied to their wrists
Couples leaning against lockers swallowing face
And my stomach just dropped
I've never felt more left out
But I sorta brought this upon myself
In a way
Because I spend the rest of year
Glaring at boys who nod at me
Or try to form conversation
In fear that if I accept them as more than a friend
My grades will flush down the toilet
And I'll spend all my time
Trying to make them happy
And I'll do something I regret
Or something that completely contradicts
My personal values and morals
I've seen it happen

I don't trust myself enough to have a boyfriend
And if I don't even trust myself
There's no WAY I'll confide in a boy
Who probably doesn't even like me THAT much
And probably only wants one thing


I'd rather have one day a year of loneliness
Then disappoint myself the rest of the year
By choosing the wrong "one"
Like I said...I don't really trust myself that much
And plus I haven't lived long enough
To read boys or know when they're playing me
Or if they're really like me

So as most might say
I'm staying on the "safe side"
Because there's no use in getting into something
I know little about
I'll live and I'll learn
Ya know?

Anyways I'm glad there's no school today
Even though President's Day
Doesn't really mean much to me
Because as far as I'm concerned
We can't seem to find the right one anyway

Peace.

Hi-Ya!

So what's up?
How's life? Lol
I hate when people ask me that
Such a sad attempt to start a conversation
If the conversation's not there
Then please don't force one
It makes things awkward
Even more awkward than
Sitting next to someone you don't know
In silence

Normally when people force conversation
In a few minutes
We end up nodding our heads and sayin' "yep".
That's annoying.

But anyway, I hope life's been treatin you well
It's been goin great for me
Well not GREAT, great
But certainly ok
Not really much to say
Unless you're interested in every detail of my life
But why would I post that on the internet anyway?
That's stupid.
Like when you hear stories about girls
Gettin kidnapped and raped from myspace
Ok, that only happens to stupid people
But whatev.
At the moment I'm posta be workin on a project
But of course I got side-track
And I've got 2 major auditions tomorrow
Both of which I should be preparing for
But I'll be ok

Anyways
That's all I'll write for today
I actually wrote quite a bit
But at the same time I wasn't really
Talking about anything in particular
That's funny
Anyways I'll check in later


Peace

Goodmorning

Goodmorning....

To however the heck
is reading this
I don't have any subcribers yet
But whatever.
This is my diary

Anyways,
Today shouldn't be very busy
I'll be at my grandma's
Can't wait to see my best friend
She lives on the other side
Of my grandma's street
I haven't seen in her
In about a month or so
& I just talked to her last night
After not having talked to her in about 3 weeks
Can you go that long without your besty?

And my other besty
I haven't seen her since
last August
Ashame, huh?
we might as well live in different states
I love both of them so much
If you mix both of their personalities together
You have me.
Crazy Sometimes
Yet serious, calm & collected.
Opinionated.
And very funny.
I love who I am
I hope you do too
Because it's the greatest feeling
In the world
When you fianlly have some sort of
Satisfaction about who you are
And how you live
And when you realize that you are
a true blessing to this earth
And that you have a task that
Nobody else was meant to
Accomplish.

It took me awhile to realize that
Through all the pain I've
Gone through internally
I can finally lift my head
And say who I am proudly to people
Because I'm proud of myself
And I appreciate who I am
Because there is no one else
Exactly like me.
Love yourself always
Becuase at the end of the day
Your self-love
Is the only love
you can rely on
Totally.

Have a promising, peaceful, and productive day!

Please be careful.

Sometimes.....

I don't know if I'm the only one who does it
But I sit and wonder about the way things go.
It's like whenever I ask "why?" the answer is always
"Just because."
and they leave it at that.
Does anybody
ANYBODY
ever stop to think
about various possible outcomes
but me?
I know I'm not.
But sometimes I am.
It's very irritating
how people can be so careless.


Earlier today,
I was talking to my best friend
About abortion.
Not that either of us need one
But we discussed
that the life being sucked
right out of the mothers womb
could have possibly been
the person to compose a cure for cancer.
the person to end world starvation.
basically,
a person that this world
Really needs.
But no.
You're forced to
suck the last ounce of hope
that this world has
right out of your womb
Because you can't raise your child.
Because you're insecure.
Yet you had enough
security to lay there
and compose the life?

Careless.